All nanny advocates always say “you interview them as much as they interview you” and too many candidates do not understand this advice well. They take it a little too literally when they shouldn’t.
In theory yes: you do interview them as much as they interview you because you also need to assess if they are a good fit for you, but in practice no: you don’t interview them as much as they interview you because you are not going to conduct the interview or decide the next steps.
During the first interview, you have to let the interviewer lead and avoid interrupting, so you don’t always get a chance to ask questions, or to ask as many as you want.
You should of course ask questions to make sure the position is a good fit for you, but you can’t do it whenever you want, however you want, and if you do it wrong, you risk ruining your chances of getting the job.
Sometimes you’ll get to ask a few questions, sometimes you won’t get to ask as many as you want, and sometimes you won’t get to ask any at all! In any case, you will rarely be able to ask all the questions you have during the first interview, especially if it is not an in-person interview.
If you can’t ask questions or can’t ask as many as you want, that might be a red flag, but it doesn’t have to be. Sometimes, just as some nannies don’t know how to write their CV or how to apply, families (or the people hiring for them) don’t know how to conduct interviews!
Most of the time after the initial interview you will still have questions, you will still not know if they are a good fit for you and that’s okay! No nanny can tell if a family is THE right one just by talking to them once!
You should always do a short trial period before committing. After the trial period, you will generally have a much clearer picture, and you will have answers to all the questions you were unable to ask at the interview.
Interviews are a two-way street, but not in every sense of the word… only in the sense that you have every right to assess whether the position is a good fit with what you are looking for. If you expect to literally be able to interview potential employers simply because of that all-too-often used cliché by nanny advocates, “you interview them as much as they interview you”, you’re going to be disappointed… The reality is that you are not the interviewer and you’re the only one who is actually being interviewed, so if you don’t want to be rejected, among other things, you have to stay in your place and not cross certain lines.
In fact, if you act like you’re the one who’s going to hire your employer, it’s very unlikely the employer will follow through. Many candidates who literally want to interview as much as they are interviewed are rejected because they come across as rude. Some families have no problem being interviewed as much as they interview, but most families don’t see things the same way as candidates… if you literally interview them the way they interview you, they might find it inappropriate.
You certainly don’t need to focus on impressing the employer during interviews but you must correctly translate this advice frequently given by nanny advocates.
What nanny advocates actually mean by “you interview them as much as they interview you”, is that it’s important that it’s a mutual fit and that you must ensure the position and family match your expectations. When they give you this advice, nanny advocates are not encouraging you to take charge of the interview because that would be completely unprofessional. Instead, they encourage you to look for red flags and listen to your intuition.
Don’t worry if they don’t let you literally interview them the same way they interview you, it’s normal that candidates don’t conduct job interviews!
And in this industry, it is difficult to determine from the first interview whether a family aligns with your values, career goals and work preferences. Just be patient, it may take time but eventually you will have all the information you need to make your decision.
One interview is not enough to make sure it’s the right family for you and to accept or decline the position.
But one interview can be enough for a family to see that you don’t know how to respect boundaries and lack professionalism… so don’t misinterpret “you interview them as much as they interview you”!
